Love and Happiness

I am a collector of solid life advice.. one of those annoying optomists that spew out that live-happy-be-happy bullshit philosophy.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

I like quotes for the same reason everyone likes quotes... they feel like conclusive statements that we feel as though we've thought of subconsciously, or at least hoped to have thought of it subconsciously. These regurgitations are we believe to define us, our morale and our character..

status: Busy loving the people who love me.

chaotic Kaylynn

My mother and I are currently not on speaking terms. The silent treatment is her cure for everything. My grandma is attempting to do all the mommy-ish side duties.. e.g. asking where I'm going as I put on my shoes to leav the house, making sure that I'm sleeping and eating, and the occasional "Are you seeing a boy?"

Unfortunately, my mum isn't the only person I've been fighting with. I've had a handful of fights with the boyfriend already.. it's like I'm prone to arguments! We have been fighting about "stupid" things that have led onto bigger topics.. such as, me not affectionate, me having poor organizational skills, me being inconsiderate. To make matters worse, I'm one of those feisty little shits that will keep fighting until I've got the last word. I'm also the annoying type that even when I know I'm wrong, I am defensive as fuck and will continue on with angry banter. Sometimes (like now), I even annoy myself..

Despite my antics, my boyfriend has been amazing. Although we didn't spend New Years together, I had a wonderfully random yet awesome NYE with the fam. Can't go wrong with my friends, we're always good as long as we're together. Boyfriend and I celebrated our one month on the 1st--monthaversaries, we are so lame but so happy together.

This winter break has been exceedingly unprecedented. I no longer have the desire to relish in every moment of life, that crave for life is gone. I am in constant debate whether this is just the way it goes in life, or I've somehow put a damper on myself? Crazy, to think that you make your own misery..

Sisterly

Unload

so i found out a few days ago that
one of my oldest and closest friends' mom
was diagnosed with cancer.

i've known this girl since we were 5
and we've been on and off best friends since we were 8.

i used to call her mom, my second mom
her home, my second home
her, my sister

what makes this all really tragic is the fact that
her dad died just two years ago
from the very same disease.
that was a few years of watching him die
several months of watching him deteriorate--mind and body alike

you'd think such an indestructible sickness would know how to disperse at a lower density level..

and all this news
made me think--
what's there really to be sad about in my life?

the fact that my hair has a red undertone, and not blonde?
how i'm unable to wear yellow tones in fear of looking jaundice?
how i am completely inept when any critical moment rolls around(/everything in life)..

when i think about the realities my friend has to face alone
everytime she goes to bed, everytime she wakes up in the morning
every single second of the fucking day--
it makes me want to laugh,
and ask God to give me something real to cry about.

Everyone needs to smile more.

Nothing but love. (A tribute to everyone in my effin' life)

CURRENT MOOD: In love with life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have the greatest friends in the entire world!! No joke. They've put up with a lifetime (literally) of my constant bailing, my tendency to be late, my moments as a diva, the whining and my need to be pampered and my abnormal eating habits. They've done the unimaginable and have picked me up at ungodly hours or the night from places they've never been to, let me cry on the phone without the slightest bit of comprehension, made me laugh when I was about to cry, let me use their hands as kleenexes when I'm sick..

My boys, you've built me a unbreachable fortress that's made me feel safe for so many years. I love you guys like my brothers, and I know you guys will always be looking out for me like a sister. I mean when I say you guys are going to be attending my wedding, as my bridesmaids! 10 years of friendship.. still going strong (L)!!

My girls, each one of you are so completely different, I'll never need anything else. T, you always make me laugh.. even though you're such a smartass. Em, we know eachother so well, I love our insiders, nobody else compares. W, my entourage, my hot lunch/dinner date (just about every single day), my partner in everything, "just me & you babe." N, I understand why boys are so crazy for you.. I'm a little lesbo for you too ;) E, I like how we're obsessed with eachother and when we spend too much time together, it scares people. Well fuck them, I love it! S & V, I love you 2 way way way too much. Scratch that, I love us 3 way way way too much. Everything we do together is always an epic adventure. xoxo

I had such a good night tonight.. even though I had pink eye, looked like shit, no make up on, my hair a mess, and in post-fever conditions. My friends gave me an intervention.. it made me laugh, and made me happy knowing there isn't any animosity between us. I feel like there's so much of that these days between groups of friends. It's an unsettling fact, that everyone is just pretending to get along with eachother. Not kewl. I'm grateful for the honesty and trust that I have between the people I keep close to heart. You're there for a reason.


On a sidenote.. I can't believe I'm so fucking sick!! It's been like this all break, every other day is considered a recovery day. However, I'm never able to fully recover because I'm always out to do something crazy or to mess up my sleeping schedule (ie. right now).

Thank you to all those of have remained in my life (despite my bad behaviour). I can't express how grateful I am for having the friends that I have right now. Everyone has put such an impact on my life and has equally been there for me in one way or another. Life is good :)