Love and Happiness

I am a collector of solid life advice.. one of those annoying optomists that spew out that live-happy-be-happy bullshit philosophy.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." - Oscar Wilde

I like quotes for the same reason everyone likes quotes... they feel like conclusive statements that we feel as though we've thought of subconsciously, or at least hoped to have thought of it subconsciously. These regurgitations are we believe to define us, our morale and our character..

status: Busy loving the people who love me.

*[gold] blushes*

My next [online] purchase:

It's all about the rose gold..




Michael Kors




Michael Kors




Marc Jacobs

 Was considering ceramic, but I don't find it as classic and timeless..

Online purchases are a breed of insta-happy on their own.. It's like *click click*, you're mine now.

or AKA Visa exploitation.

XOXO, K

Dear Vancouver

On the search for

that carefree philosophy.

Thoughts:
I'd like to spend more time with my little brother (who isn't so little anymore!)

I'm so mad at my knee. I'm so pissed that I can't run, do the elliptical, stairmasters, or do squats. It's driving me mad.

Can't stop listening to http://youtu.be/DWkruuiml3s (Thanks, Chu)

Hmmm... much love to my girl N.

I wanna be baked to a golden crisp by the end of this summer. Beach bumming is one of my fav hobbies afterall..

Speaking of hobbies, I'm stoked on getting started on playing the acoustic guitar. I've been wanting to learn how to play for a few years now, but lethargy and the smallness of my hands have gotten in the way. I recently discovered two Yamaha guitars in my basement--one of them is this gorgeous classic guitar (circa 1988) with these beautiful ebony pegs, the other is a standard-looking acoustic guitar. Both are seem so promising, I can't decide which one to keep for myself. (Duh.. keep both.)

"I don't know if I'm in love with you--I don't know what that is. But I know for sure, I'm crazy about you."

I need to revise my sleeping schedule. Chu's right; I'm waking up in a completely timezone. I always said that sleep deprivation would be my hamartia.

Cocoa Rice Krispies are soo yumskies. If y'all have the chance to get your hands on some (courtesy of our friendly neighbour from the South), GET ON IT.

I considered starting a marketing blog but my passions leave me elsewhere.. actually, they lead me towards cosmetology and fine foods. What can I say? I'm a superficial fatty at heart. loveandcheekbones.blogspot.com is where it's at. I'll be talking shit about NYX, taking a lots of pictures of myself, and doing what I do best.. (eating).

I forget what good music does to the soul..

Although I've always considered myself a kind person, as the years progress.. I've become really stuck-up. Worst of all, it's unintentional snobbery. I think we can all agree, judgement is involuntary--it's what you do with that judgement that makes a difference. Sometimes, I pass judgement on people and let it take control of how I treat them and I think they deserve to be treated. I forget that humanity loses itself in such convictions. I'd like to be a kinder person this summer. A genuinely kinder person. I'd like to bask in all that sunshine, see all the beauties of life, shake off the bad moments and relish in the good ones. I want to do better, be better. I want this summer to be about more laughter and more smiles. Everyone needs to smile more.

Lastly..
Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. - Mother Teresa

I wanna. I wanna. I gotta be adored.

So my boyfriend and I recently admitted that we are falling in love with each other.

"We're definitely on our way," as he puts it.

Half of me is exhilerated--shouldn't we all aim to be that brutally honest and openly suspectible to love? I always thought love's Nirvana would be described as a place where nobody is keeping score anymore. A place where you're free to stand ontop of a street bench and tell the whole world how much you love your significant other; where all trust issues simply dissipate.

I would be so happy just having that. For a (premature) period of time, my greatest fear growing up was to one day wake up next to the wrong person. I'd turn next to me and wonder, "Where's the love of my life?"

But of course, nothing in life works out accordingly. We can't all have what we want. The cynic in the back of my head recognizes the boundaries between sheer fantasy and reality. We can't all have the fairytale wedding and the happy marriage. Part of me is in love with the idea of love; its many manifestations and the promise that it is indeed what gives life purpose.

The other part of me is mortified.

"What's your favourite thing about me?"

"Your personality."

Too blessed to be stressed

butterflies. sweet kisses. deep kisses. Asian kisses. tummy rubs. neck nuzzles. face nuzzling. biting, lots of biting. swoon (the scarlett ohara kind). lift me off my feet--literally. piggy backs that lead to near choking. laughter. smile. kiss. shake hands. hold hands. hold both hands. hug. squeeze (attempt to suffocate). tickle. laugh. laugh. laugh. wrestle. fight. yell. hurt. dislike. the simple act of giving a shit... no more yelling. long talks. sleepless nights [on the phone]. the world is finally at peace.. rise and grind.  smile. sunshine (even when it's not sunny). blessed. rejoice. happy.  rinse, repeat.

What's Missing

"Ce qui manque" as Chu puts it.

Writing my paper, waiting for my coffee buzz to die down.. stalking my ex-boyfriend on Facebook for a little bit (don't act like you never).. I think I know what's missing.

No. It's not him (Thank God).

At least not him per se. It's more as though, while I was looking at pictures of him (DON'T ACT LIKE YOU NEVER), I asked myself "How much did I love him again?" Did the last few years really revolve around him?

It seems like it never happened at all. It seems non-existent. Or otherwise, insignificant and frivolous.

My heartstrings no longer pull at the sight of him. The chronic feelings of jealousy have completely dissipated in his wake. All feared prospects of previous attachment is gone. I'm free.

I should feel exhilerated. I should be running down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs that I've finally mentally and emotionally let you go.

If you wanna fly,

you gotta let go of the shit that weighs you

down.

But I don't. I feel half-empty. I don't even know whether it's a void that needs to be filled or not; I just know that right now it is wasting away. Abandoned and left to die. I wanna say it's becoming obsolete.. but how can I go and say that when I am in a relationship with someone who is desperately trying make things work?

He is sweet. And honest. And caring. And captivating. And funny. And smart. And strong. And thoughtful. What is wrong with me? Clearly, I am unappreciative. And thoughtless. And inconsiderate. And insulting. And out of my mind.

How is it that I feel like my insides are dead? As though my heart has stopped beating and incapable of  feeling that magic that only people who are really love feel.

What I'm trying to say is that, my heartstrings to pull for anyone anymore. What does this mean?

Think for me.

x, K

I hear they're coming for me, because being at the top gets quite lonely

12 days till Christmas. (Cue music.)

A little high off the glass of red wine I just knocked back (for the perfect siesta, I assure you I'm not an alcoholic), I'm typing to you.. my global community. After several nights of sleeping in the AM's (when I say AM, I mean 6AM to be exact) my skin has become a display of my nasty habits, in happy matrimony with my mild rosacea, panda eyes and puffy eyebags.

Also, why is it everytime I need to buy something online, my mother and I get into a fight.. Coincidence? I think not.

I feel like I've hit an impasse. I'm getting questioned.. "Where have you been?" "Are we drifting?" "I feel like you're too busy for me lately.." I have answers to these questions, but not necessarily the most truthful or the right ones for that matter.

I can't decide whether it's the cabin fever that's taken its toll on me.. or if it's really me acting like a spinny bitch. I would hope it isn't the latter.. but if it is, I know why.

All I really have to say on this ordeal (an extremely trivial one at that), is Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. I will expand at another point in time.

All I want for Christmas is.. black Lita's, those lace-up wedges from UO, and a merry fucking Christmas. I'd like to extend the last one to everyone I know. xox!

Hmm.. it's almost 5:30AM. I'm definitely going to hate myself in the morning.

.. and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.*

Additions to the family

Leather loaves of love..

Have been resisting the urge to shop because Christmas is about buying gifts for others, and I plan to honour that notion. So you could imagine my delight when my mum told me I could have these two babes!!! Black leather with gold accents.. always classic. The one on the left is a new Escada purse, and the one on the right is vintage Christian Dior. I'm defs in love.

How cute is Escada's elephant zipper? I'm glad the leather isn't the buttery soft kind, because knowing me, it would get ruined forsure. I don't handle any of my possessions with care. Hence why I avoid borrowing people's things, and I'm always buying new shoes because I scuff my shoes like there's no tomorrow! This is not a desirable trait, I might add.. My mother certainly doesn't think so.

Other than having to stay for being sick, "studying", and watching this week's Glee twice with my dad, my boyfriend dropped off some vitamin B to ward off the cold symptons.. What a little suck huh? Kidding. He really is a sweetie.

In other news I cannot wait till exams are over. Nicolle and I have already discussed this. Post exam season is going to be cray cray.. Gongshows are awaiting my presence.. Glasses of wine are waiting to be filled.. The pavement has yet to feel the onslaught of my heels and perhaps my face (let's be serious, it's definitely going to be my knees or bum.. it always is).. All the restaurants of Vancouver/Richmond/Burnaby, be prepared to be amazed by mine and my girl Winda's appetite.. I AM COMING FOR YOU. Don't you worry..

goodnight & good luck to you

Sixteen Candles

"So.. when's the last time someone told you you looked younger than you actually are?" - my boyfriend.

I am aware that I look like a sixteen year old. *bbm hand* Who's gonna be laughing when I look 25, and y'all start greying in your 30's..

I have the urge to go shopping. Oh my God. I want to go shopping soo bad but I can't. I have to save up for Christmas AND for Mexico. I'm attempting to "prove something" by telling my mom I'm capable of paying half.. She doesn't think I know what it means to save up. UGH!!! Saving is not my forte. I have yet to save a penny of my earnings. I found out a few weeks ago that Carver saves half his paycheque every week.. what the hell have I been doing???? I guess I will be one of those people who will never have their own car.. their own house.. or be able to buy their children toys on their birthdays..

Whatever. I'm still going to make a shopping list:

- wedges from UO

- one-colour allover hightops

- men's circle scarf

- leather gloves

- CONTACTS B/C I'M LEGIT GOING BLIND

- hairspray

.. as well as a Mexican shopping list:

- romper

- fedora

- high-waisted shorts

- Levi cutoffs

- [taupe] Oxfords (to go with my high-waisted shorts, durr.)

- silky shorts

- black bikini

- dresses that won't get ruined if I decide to frolic in them

Boyfriend picked my drunk ass up from my staff Christmas party tonight. "You are a handful." I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!! Don't say I didn't warn you..

Half the staff was already tanked when I got there. Everyone looked great! It was so nice seeing everyone out of work. Umm.. however, some work drama that I never knew about came up.. but it's all good, I was knocking back that wine glass like there was no tomorrow.. Let's just say the Christmas party was so good that I want to stay another year just to come to the next one.. It's not because of the free alcohol, really.. It's because everyone there was like family. They've all known each other for so long and are so supportive (except for the fact that one of my coworkers wanted to steal my prize.. bitch, keep your paws off!). And God knows how hard it is to find a family out of your bloodline these days..

GAAAAH. I just want to fork a motherfuckin' caesar salad into my mouth right now.. heavy on the parm pleeeeeeease. Damn.. hungry as fuck.. !!!!!!!!!

bisou bisou

Sisterly

A Thank You note

I'm the type of person who is easily moved. I cried at the Hummel wedding in Glee, I get attached to fictional characters, I get sad beyond reasons about subjects that don't come up in normal dinner conversation. It wouldn't be wrong to say that I do blow some things out of porportion [#kanyeshrug].. And to my chagrin, I have the annoying knack of wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I don't know why I'm so upset, I think if anything though, I'm more really angry. In short, a teacher at my high school was recently arrested for "sexual harrassment". It makes sense that word has been passed around to my high school alumni, but having students misconstrue the facts (or in this case, lack thereof) is another thing. I'm relating back to one of my theories that I've come up with on how some people are so despicable.. (mostly derrived from my experience in the restaurant industry/people to people encounters).

It sounds extremely naive, but sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that not everyone has a good heart. Not everyone thinks before they say something, do something, or type it up on Facebook for the whole world to see. Not everyone has common courtesy, some people have no courtesy at all. Not everyone remembers that you are human being, and not what your job description says you are.

Anyways, what happened was that someone on Facebook had deemed this teacher a "rapist" when I'm sure everyone has seen the article and it didn't say anything about raping or even disclosing the sex of the victim. Being honest, I didn't look too much into what that person said, except for slightly shaking my head in disapproval because how is this funny mislabelling someone a rapist.. And this is someone who was part of our educational community. Teachers really put themselves out there.

However, my girlfriend DID say something about it. She commented on said person's status, wrote an entire paragraph explaining how it's sad to see people laughing at the expense of someone else's misery. And how falsely accusing someone of being a rapist just further discredits their reputation, which is exactly what all this publicity has done. This teacher has not only lost their job, but their reputation has been shot to pieces. An individual commented on what my girlfriend had said, as a counter argument. Ugh.. between you and I, I fucking hate this guy. He's disgusting and legit makes me want to punch him in the face. He said something along the lines of "He already ruined his reputation by doing what he did. Just because you love [teacher's name] doesn't make what you said right. If you can't accept that then you are SAD. Yada yada yada.. I have nothing substantial to say because I'm a flaming moron." I'm not being bias (maybe a tad).. he is a fucking moron.. and also a bigot for that matter. And guess what his profile picture is on Facebook? A blurry, pixilated, cropped headshot of the accused teacher. I'm going to go ahead and say that he's too hideous to put his real picture on Facebook anyway..

As my endnote, I've been kind of off lately with everything that's been going on in my life. I've been spending a lot of time with my family, pushing out a lot of my friends. I've been contemplating whether or not I've changed drastically from the person I was only a year ago, or if I'm just freaking myself out. AS MY ENDNOTE, I'd like to say I'm glad that assholes and jerkoffs exist in this universe, otherwise I'd lose sight of what kind of person I aim not to be. And as these individuals exude some of the characteristics that I hate the most in humanity, they remind me of my values and my morals. I'd like to thank them for never losing sight of the small small world they live in..

here's a toast for the douchebags. *kisses*

Unload

so i found out a few days ago that
one of my oldest and closest friends' mom
was diagnosed with cancer.

i've known this girl since we were 5
and we've been on and off best friends since we were 8.

i used to call her mom, my second mom
her home, my second home
her, my sister

what makes this all really tragic is the fact that
her dad died just two years ago
from the very same disease.
that was a few years of watching him die
several months of watching him deteriorate--mind and body alike

you'd think such an indestructible sickness would know how to disperse at a lower density level..

and all this news
made me think--
what's there really to be sad about in my life?

the fact that my hair has a red undertone, and not blonde?
how i'm unable to wear yellow tones in fear of looking jaundice?
how i am completely inept when any critical moment rolls around(/everything in life)..

when i think about the realities my friend has to face alone
everytime she goes to bed, everytime she wakes up in the morning
every single second of the fucking day--
it makes me want to laugh,
and ask God to give me something real to cry about.

Everyone needs to smile more.

Nothing but love. (A tribute to everyone in my effin' life)

CURRENT MOOD: In love with life!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have the greatest friends in the entire world!! No joke. They've put up with a lifetime (literally) of my constant bailing, my tendency to be late, my moments as a diva, the whining and my need to be pampered and my abnormal eating habits. They've done the unimaginable and have picked me up at ungodly hours or the night from places they've never been to, let me cry on the phone without the slightest bit of comprehension, made me laugh when I was about to cry, let me use their hands as kleenexes when I'm sick..

My boys, you've built me a unbreachable fortress that's made me feel safe for so many years. I love you guys like my brothers, and I know you guys will always be looking out for me like a sister. I mean when I say you guys are going to be attending my wedding, as my bridesmaids! 10 years of friendship.. still going strong (L)!!

My girls, each one of you are so completely different, I'll never need anything else. T, you always make me laugh.. even though you're such a smartass. Em, we know eachother so well, I love our insiders, nobody else compares. W, my entourage, my hot lunch/dinner date (just about every single day), my partner in everything, "just me & you babe." N, I understand why boys are so crazy for you.. I'm a little lesbo for you too ;) E, I like how we're obsessed with eachother and when we spend too much time together, it scares people. Well fuck them, I love it! S & V, I love you 2 way way way too much. Scratch that, I love us 3 way way way too much. Everything we do together is always an epic adventure. xoxo

I had such a good night tonight.. even though I had pink eye, looked like shit, no make up on, my hair a mess, and in post-fever conditions. My friends gave me an intervention.. it made me laugh, and made me happy knowing there isn't any animosity between us. I feel like there's so much of that these days between groups of friends. It's an unsettling fact, that everyone is just pretending to get along with eachother. Not kewl. I'm grateful for the honesty and trust that I have between the people I keep close to heart. You're there for a reason.


On a sidenote.. I can't believe I'm so fucking sick!! It's been like this all break, every other day is considered a recovery day. However, I'm never able to fully recover because I'm always out to do something crazy or to mess up my sleeping schedule (ie. right now).

Thank you to all those of have remained in my life (despite my bad behaviour). I can't express how grateful I am for having the friends that I have right now. Everyone has put such an impact on my life and has equally been there for me in one way or another. Life is good :)