Je pense/a l'avenir

Still waiting on that call. If this is a strategy to make me want this job more than I actually do, then damn girl. She is a dentist and her own boss for a reason.

I'm deliriously happy that I'm at home at three in the afternoon, with half the day ahead of me to study alone. Solitude is my means of rejuvenation.

I am not a fan of those who feel they have the right to make certain claims about my life. Remember where you stand in my life; as a friend, not my mother.

I'm really disappointed in my performance at school. I am further discouraged by my peers' attitudes. Competition and jealousy brings out the ugliest in humanity. I cannot stress how not impressed I am with how some people carry themselves in the equally revealing occasions of triumph and defeat. You think you know some people.

I could go on forever about school. I miss my friends. They carpool everyday together; those simple everyday encounters are so important these days.

On the other hand, I feel as though if I got into UBC, I'd be doing it to prove something. And that's not how I want to live my life; doing things to please others. I want to make myself happy on my own terms. I have yet to apply. My average is a B/B+ as of right now (or so I think). I have no idea whether this is worthy of the prestigious (and elitist) character that is the University of British Columbia and all of its followers. I have been increasingly reluctant towards the entire process of applying. My only sense of gratification would be found in the approval of others; the seamless nod that I am fitting into society's conception of the status quo. It makes me sick. It makes me even sicker watching friends and strangers do the things they were told to do, only to find themselves in a perpetual search for a potential passion in the collegiate curriculum.

The anticipation to be free from academic responsibility and into the world of luscious grass and sunshine is killing me. I am stoked on swimming again. I'm not gonna lie; those one week crash courses were brutal but so fulfilling at the same time.

I also can't wait to get out of the city. I made the (this is going to come out nothing but bitchy) mistake of asking too many people to join me in my little withdrawal from the real world. It has landed me in a position where my plans now revolve around them; the selfish aspect of my retreat is gone. Excess enthusiasm has generated so much unnecessary resentment. Trust me, I smh at myself for being such a self-centered bitch about it and creating my own problems at the same time.

I'm taking Math 12 again. AND I'M GOING TO MAKE IT MY BITCH. Some people think it's a sucky situation, but I feel like math is important; I should really put my time and effort into it. Despite everything we did in highschool to avoid it, math is important. And most of all, math is a contributing factor to my future. No PR consultant is going to get out of learning how to do stats..

Lastly, I want to read. The luxury of time is at my hands this summer, and I will honour it by reading.

That is all.