Killuminati up this bitch..

There are too many people who think the only right thing is to get by, and the only wrong thing is to get caught.

There's nobody you can trust these days..

I hate you

"L'amour est un genre de suicide." - Jacques Lacan (médecin, 1901-1981)

Je me sens épuisés: emotionellement, physiquement, mentalement. Les adjectifs de mal-appreciés et mal-traités viennent en tete. Est-il possible de ressentir si repoussés en face de quelqu'un vous avez aimé pour les derniers deux ans? Est-il possible qu'un seul individu peut évoqué la volonté de vomir à un mésure si incomprehensible?

In a camp of rockets

Mondays are generally bad, but today was an exceptionally bad Monday. I'm probably over-reacting, I tend to do that. I was probably just super cranky because I hadn't eaten all day (I go bitch wild when I haven't eaten for a long time.. just ask W/KT).

Because I'm a fucking idiot, I slept at 5AM last night even though I had finished my Thriller presentation around 1ish. Like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Even as I'm typing out this blog right now, my eyes feel heavy (and itchy for some reason, it's been like that all fucking day) and I want nothing more than to wake up fresh and early tomorrow and actually do something with my life (especially since I made plans to have lunch and study with J tmr lol). I'll go to bed after this entry. Promise. Okay, I lied. I saved this entry as a draft then I came back now (3:06AM) to finish it.

Anyway.. so it started when I left 20 minutes for myself to get ready. It's so hard to pick out warm clothes if you're like me who lives on thin cotton cardigans and tights--strictly, NO jeans. I left the house without breakfast which was a huge mistake. Androol said he'd drive me home and wait for me for the extra hour. I went to class in a rush, interrupting this poor girl's presentation while doing so. Turns out SFU doesn't have underground wireless connections so I had to go upstairs (interrupted someone else's presentation as well) and proceeded to disrupt a couple that was obviously fighting.. but I didn't notice till the girl packed up her things and left with the guy looking like "Huh?" (I really hope I didn't make it worse). I was doing a presentation on "Thriller" and it's basically a mini-movie, and with the shitty reception travelling between SFU's cement walls, it took literally forever to load. With ten minutes left of class, I booked it back downstairs and my TA ended up telling me I could present it next class. Sa-weet... thanks.

I don't want to go into detail anymore, because I really shouldn't be bad mouthing my friends on my public blog as lame as that sounds. But by the end of the day, I ended up waiting in a car by myself for 40 minutes and then walking in the cold to go home. Both were by choice, so don't worry. But yeah.. sometimes I really hate being around people.. especially dick-ish loud mouthed people.

Thank God for W and J, and pho. They both picked me up and we went to get some heart-warming goodness. I was starving.. I had a bowl of pho, a spring roll and a pear made out of hazelnut ice cream. Mmmm first meal of the day.

I miss my friends. I'm probably just saying this now because I'm hella pissed at my friends at school for leaving me no choice but to walk home.. but that's just me being a diva. Haha. I feel like a shitty friend for always bailing and never going through with our plans. I'm always studying with the guys at school or eating with them. I never have time for my high school friends, most of whom I've known since the 1st grade. I've spoken to Stephen about this and we both agreed that everyday gets a little riskier. Everytime you bail for some school issue or your new friends from school, your friends get less and less lenient. I love you guys btw... can't wait till tomorrow!!!

Furthermore, I miss having time.

I really want to tan but I'm scared and I have no time lol. Jo says it's the most precious thing ever.. "everyone needs that warm embrace every once in awhile". Tans make me feel happy. I feel accomplished after a day of beach bumming and I come home and check out legs in the mirror. I miss those days where I could wear flipflops everyday and avoid stepping into puddles in the middle of the sidewalk.

Did I mention that I'm getting fat?

I'm going to leave with a song that I can't stop listening to..

Because I'm a girl..

I like it when my legs look skinny. And tan. I believe that wearing red brings confidence. The colour of your nails completes your outfit. Shoes are the essence of any ensemble, seeing as they hold you up in life. I like my hair best when it's long and cascading down my shoulders. Even better when it's in loose curls or beachy waves. When I was little, I loved wearing dresses because it made me feel pretty--I still do. I dance to Top 40's music and I love it. Red lipstick is for sexy bitches--the David Guetta kind. I go apeshit when my phone battery is dying. I like the way my mascara used to make marks on my boyfriend's cheeks after we'd finish kissing. I love "pulling a Laguna" as in wearing sweats tucked into Uggs, big sunnies and a vente Starbucks in hand; the way Tina and I used to roll in back on those sporadic early mornings. Beach bumming is a hobby, I mean, what's better than falling asleep under the sun? Ringing my eyes with black eyeliner doesn't make me feel beautiful, it makes me feel fierce. But when the guy I love still tells me I'm gorgoeus with no makeup at all, it feels pretty damn good. Pearls make me feel classy. Getting ready with the girls is the highlight of my night.. besides the late-night pigging out. So what if I can't run a marathon in these stilettos? At least I can stomp around and act like I'm stepping all over those people who have stepped all over me in the past. Retail therapy is real therapy. Yes, as a matter of fact I do need this giant bag because inside are the contents of my LIFE. I like smelling good.

Because I'm me, I love touching dogs and their wet noses. It sounds gross, but I love it. I could live without conditioner only if I used Sab's shampoo (smells effin' amazing). Soy, lactose-free.. any kind of milk is nasty. I can't get enough of fake eyelashes. I press snooze until it's 45 minutes after my original alarm time. I hate not washing my hair for more than one day. It drives me fucking crazy. My closet staples are tights, v-necks and Uggs. I hate watching my friends settle for less. I'm a fan of chivalry and I like it when my guy friends tell me, "That's just the way I was taught". I'm always late, don't count on me for anything. I could go for some McDonalds right now. A momma's boy is my kind of boy. I'm a snobby bitch to people I don't trust. During the summertime, I have mass cravings for BBQ and nightmarket food. I like feeling like a lady, if you know what I mean. I still think black panties are bought to be worn in front of someone... I like the way my favourite boy makes me laugh, even when I'm beyond pissed off. It really bugs me when people act like music is a religion. I don't think before I speak. Converse chucks are the only shoes that look good dirty. I love eating chicken wings with fake nails and my eyelashes on--I feel like a fucking woman. I don't get menstrual cramps. I would like to believe that my hamster knows her name is Gwendilynn and that I'm her mama, but I know I'm just fooling myself.. I can't understand how cheaters can look themselves in the mirror. I live in the moment because things always happen for a reason right? I would rather walk and recycle. Mary-Kate and Ashley, and Molly Ringwald are my movie heroines. My friends are the only people in the world who can tolerate me, I grant you that.

Because I'm me, because I'm a girl.. it's all the same. This is me and I'm a girl, and I fucking love it.

"i gave you my sincerity"

this is an honest-to-God horrible post.. so don't read it. it's just an excuse to put up a sexy picture...

i'm in so much ridiculous love with korean boys right now..this one particular korean boy. oh my god. lee min ho, why are you sooo goodlooking? isn't he GORGEOUS? please have my babies.

last night, watched boys before flowers for the first time until 4 in the morning at sab's. we went through 3 cd's which is equivalent to 6 hours of korean drama love. this doesn't include our breaks (taking soph out to pee, getting chicken wings and cheesy bread from domino's. sooo nasty. it almost put me off chicken wings for life). im pretty much in looooooooove. i just got home from watching bbf at sab's too. i really don't think you want to know what i'm doing right now... i'm watching youtube videos of bbf which includes lots of fan made videos of just how mad sexy he is.

okay.. soph's getting pretty upset and i'm going to stop before i spoil the entire series for myself. time for bed!

girls girls girls

it honestly blows my mind of what girls are capable of. when guys rag on how girls are demons, i never hesitate to defend my feminine counterparts. believe me. i'm all against female oppression, i even wrote a speech on female genital mutilation and how it's sole purpose is to please men.

there's a reason why some girls just don't have many girlfriends... it's because they aren't good girlfriends. they don't follow girl protocol and they don't back up other girls. when your friend's boyfriend calls you and asks you what you honestly think of the girl he's dating, you're so supposed to have her back. i would never purposely make my girlfriend look bad, especially if it's a guy who's asking. when you start choosing guys over your girlfriends, that's when you fall into the same category as those who force the practice of genital mutilation.

if anyone has been keeping tabs on the Hills, i love kristin cavallari. i don't really care that she's dating justin bobby and it's breaking audrina's heart, because really, kristin gave her the chance to tell her straight up how she felt. but audrina pussied out and didn't even find the common courtesy to tell kristin that she wouldn't have lunch with her. kristin even stated that yes, when considering her friends, she follows the (unwritten) girl code.

well now it makes sense as to you why you just don't have very many girlfriends. i don't care what people say, the relationship between two girls is NOT the same as between a guy and girl. girls have that instinct, have that intuition, that guys just don't understand. we live on a backbone of basic principles and beliefs. it sounds ridiculous, but i don't deny it. every girl knows you're not supposed to wear the same halloween costume as last year...

i love my girlfriends. i'm incredibly lucky to have these people in my life, and i can say that i'm so glad that you're not of them. i'm so choked that i actually trusted you and saw you as someone i could confide in. but honestly, you're just one of those girls who will do anything to get a guy's attention and that's probably why you think what you're doing now is justified. you obviously don't respect our friendship or me.

and on behalf on someone who is supposed to be YOUR good friend, FUCK YOU. how dare you take private information between the two of you and pass it on to some guy you had a crush who decided to let everyone know about it? this sounds so highschool but it really REALLY pisses me off how you just ran your mouth like that. have you not any morals? do you just not take any of your friendships seriously and you'd rather fill an awkward silence with someone? get your priorities straight. what kind fo friend are you?

i'm telling you now that you're not a Mean Girl and that i hate you. but you need to get your priorities and you can gtfo of my life.

thanks for shitting on our friendship. TTYN.

Just me and my girlfriends

DK left for Toronto today. I was eating sushi with my cousin and her boyfriend when I got a last text before she boarded her plane. Pretty much teared up a bit while I eating chicken teriyaki and washing it down with some ebi sunomono...

Don't ever let anyone take you for granted.. I know you'll find someone who loves and treats you right.

Broken entourage.. :*(!!!

I feel like puking

it's all just a bunch of lies we told ourselves to ease the pain of reality that once felt like something good and beautiful and of course the real part of it was pretty damn good too not to mention those finer moments in life those very rare glimmers of hope that make everything a little brighter a little more hopeful they kinda make it all worth it in the end maybe if we just closed our eyes and went back to all those times where things just seemed perfect maybe if we closed them a little more tighter we could relive those worthy seconds again and if only we could paint the stills of the better moments of our lives maybe our entire lives could form a gallery and the best creations would be on the top floor maybe to represent the height of our lives the highest of nirvanas reached within our nothing but human existence wouldn't that be great to keep the good from the bad and maybe even just keep all the good and recycle the bad no mixing in between no tainting the purity of it all and just like that we can keep our linens white and it'd be like living in a snow globe a perfect world untouched and captured in its own glass bubble you'd have to slam it against something really hard to get into this world of nothing-short-of-amazing wouldn't that be nice? but like i said it's all just a bunch of lies.

forget what they say.

The worst kind of liar is the one that lies only sometimes

The worst kind of liar is the one that lies only sometimes.

Parmi des millions des personnes sur la terre

... je me besoin seulement un.

Where the F did my old blogspot account go?

I can't find it. I tried Googling some pieces of what I could remember from it (the one blog entry I published, my username...or so I think is my username). My "About Me" tab was pretty kick-ass too. I had pictures of my old hamster, Benny, and the mini bio I did on myself was brief and a tad inventive.

I'd be really happy and appreciative if someone could find it for me. My front page was titled JalouSe-e. I named it after the French magazine called Jalouse. The main colours were forest green and black, if that matters at all... If this magically happened, I'd be impressed/surprised/genuinely touched by the kindness of strangers.

This probably won't happen. So I guess I'll just continue blogging..