Just gotta say

My boyfriend is the sweetest.. and I really like him.

Just saying.

thoughts

Run your life or it will run you.

It's true when they say letting go is not a one time thing. It's an everyday thing that needs to be done several times before you're at peace with yourself. I miss her to pieces. I found myself wondering where she was earlier today, only to realize that she's gone. I don't like to think about it lest the thought of all the alternative outcomes if something hadn't gone a certain way, or if someone had been there at a certain time. Life goes on. It's the circle of life. I blame no one. I'll remember her always, this I'm sure and have been reassured by many pet-owners who have gone with through the same ordeal. Death is a part of life. Everyone has their problems, it's the only matter of how you deal with them.

Be strong, carry on y'all. Defeat is only temporary, giving up is what makes it permenant.

projectile vomit

my heart died on sunday night
estimated time of death is 6pm
i miss her dearly

"i'm sorry for your loss"
"i can only imagine how you feel"
what do i say?
"thank you"?
"yes, i feel truly horrible"?

i shouldn't be so resentful,
the people around me don't know how to deal with my sadness
as much as i don't know how to deal with death.

i don't know what mourning is like

i hate work.. oh my god.. i fucking hate work.
the people i work for are such insensitive fucks
i could give a rat's ass about customer service at the moment
i'm doing my job the best i can.
i'm ready to walk out anyday now

my health is going down the drain
i have no appetite
i can't sleep
i have been sick for weeks..

there are far too many "what ifs"
and "couldve beens"
it's all too depressing to dwell upon

i know we all blame ourselves for what happened
sudden death is by far the worst way to say goodbye
the absolute worst
what i'm saying?
it's not saying goodbye at all
it's more like
whoosh
and you're gone
and then just layers and layers of regret and turmoil

i wish people would calmly fuck off
and leave me alone.
stop suggesting that i replace my dead dog
stop asking me what happened
stop telling me how i should and shouldn't feel
stop.

i have yet to spend a day alone and mourn by myself.
even the day she passed, my boyfriend came to see me
i don't blame him
but i'm not gonna lie
i held back my sobs until i got back into my house

i'm so sick of putting on this front
so that everybody thinks i'm okay
and we can continue talking about boy problems
as though they are world issues

i'm a hypocrite
just a week ago i was talking about the very same trivial issues
yet at this moment in the time
i'm not particularly interested.

i'm aware that there are far worse things
then waking up and finding your puppy lying dead in a room all by herself,
i am very aware.
but are you?

everyone keeps telling me how strong i am
am i really?
maybe i'm just good at maintaining this pretense
when indeed, all my strings have come undone
and my insides have finally collapsed in a miserable heap
my heart being at the very bottom of that heap.

my entire family is in mourning
we are barely capable of comforting ourselves
let alone eachother

the silence in this house is deafening

and although her possessions have been put away
i look around this house and think to myself,

something is missing.

I hear they're coming for me, because being at the top gets quite lonely

12 days till Christmas. (Cue music.)

A little high off the glass of red wine I just knocked back (for the perfect siesta, I assure you I'm not an alcoholic), I'm typing to you.. my global community. After several nights of sleeping in the AM's (when I say AM, I mean 6AM to be exact) my skin has become a display of my nasty habits, in happy matrimony with my mild rosacea, panda eyes and puffy eyebags.

Also, why is it everytime I need to buy something online, my mother and I get into a fight.. Coincidence? I think not.

I feel like I've hit an impasse. I'm getting questioned.. "Where have you been?" "Are we drifting?" "I feel like you're too busy for me lately.." I have answers to these questions, but not necessarily the most truthful or the right ones for that matter.

I can't decide whether it's the cabin fever that's taken its toll on me.. or if it's really me acting like a spinny bitch. I would hope it isn't the latter.. but if it is, I know why.

All I really have to say on this ordeal (an extremely trivial one at that), is Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. I will expand at another point in time.

All I want for Christmas is.. black Lita's, those lace-up wedges from UO, and a merry fucking Christmas. I'd like to extend the last one to everyone I know. xox!

Hmm.. it's almost 5:30AM. I'm definitely going to hate myself in the morning.

.. and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make.*

possibly one of the most unselfish things I've ever done

I let you go

ttyn..

Additions to the family

Leather loaves of love..

Have been resisting the urge to shop because Christmas is about buying gifts for others, and I plan to honour that notion. So you could imagine my delight when my mum told me I could have these two babes!!! Black leather with gold accents.. always classic. The one on the left is a new Escada purse, and the one on the right is vintage Christian Dior. I'm defs in love.

How cute is Escada's elephant zipper? I'm glad the leather isn't the buttery soft kind, because knowing me, it would get ruined forsure. I don't handle any of my possessions with care. Hence why I avoid borrowing people's things, and I'm always buying new shoes because I scuff my shoes like there's no tomorrow! This is not a desirable trait, I might add.. My mother certainly doesn't think so.

Other than having to stay for being sick, "studying", and watching this week's Glee twice with my dad, my boyfriend dropped off some vitamin B to ward off the cold symptons.. What a little suck huh? Kidding. He really is a sweetie.

In other news I cannot wait till exams are over. Nicolle and I have already discussed this. Post exam season is going to be cray cray.. Gongshows are awaiting my presence.. Glasses of wine are waiting to be filled.. The pavement has yet to feel the onslaught of my heels and perhaps my face (let's be serious, it's definitely going to be my knees or bum.. it always is).. All the restaurants of Vancouver/Richmond/Burnaby, be prepared to be amazed by mine and my girl Winda's appetite.. I AM COMING FOR YOU. Don't you worry..

goodnight & good luck to you

Sixteen Candles

"So.. when's the last time someone told you you looked younger than you actually are?" - my boyfriend.

I am aware that I look like a sixteen year old. *bbm hand* Who's gonna be laughing when I look 25, and y'all start greying in your 30's..

I have the urge to go shopping. Oh my God. I want to go shopping soo bad but I can't. I have to save up for Christmas AND for Mexico. I'm attempting to "prove something" by telling my mom I'm capable of paying half.. She doesn't think I know what it means to save up. UGH!!! Saving is not my forte. I have yet to save a penny of my earnings. I found out a few weeks ago that Carver saves half his paycheque every week.. what the hell have I been doing???? I guess I will be one of those people who will never have their own car.. their own house.. or be able to buy their children toys on their birthdays..

Whatever. I'm still going to make a shopping list:

- wedges from UO

- one-colour allover hightops

- men's circle scarf

- leather gloves

- CONTACTS B/C I'M LEGIT GOING BLIND

- hairspray

.. as well as a Mexican shopping list:

- romper

- fedora

- high-waisted shorts

- Levi cutoffs

- [taupe] Oxfords (to go with my high-waisted shorts, durr.)

- silky shorts

- black bikini

- dresses that won't get ruined if I decide to frolic in them

Boyfriend picked my drunk ass up from my staff Christmas party tonight. "You are a handful." I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!! Don't say I didn't warn you..

Half the staff was already tanked when I got there. Everyone looked great! It was so nice seeing everyone out of work. Umm.. however, some work drama that I never knew about came up.. but it's all good, I was knocking back that wine glass like there was no tomorrow.. Let's just say the Christmas party was so good that I want to stay another year just to come to the next one.. It's not because of the free alcohol, really.. It's because everyone there was like family. They've all known each other for so long and are so supportive (except for the fact that one of my coworkers wanted to steal my prize.. bitch, keep your paws off!). And God knows how hard it is to find a family out of your bloodline these days..

GAAAAH. I just want to fork a motherfuckin' caesar salad into my mouth right now.. heavy on the parm pleeeeeeease. Damn.. hungry as fuck.. !!!!!!!!!

bisou bisou

Absolutely Restless

yet beyond content.*
FIRST OFF.. despite royally pissing off my mother earlier, I love you mum!!! Don't stay mad at me for too long. I am your baby after all.. But anyhow, she was adorable as per usual today and went along and called me while I was studying, asking me if I'd like to go to a Miss Vancouver convention with her at the Pan Pacific. Initial thoughts--Mum, I know you'd love it if your daughter was Miss Vancouver but it's not happening. Secondary thoughts--dinner and a show... my fav. Tertiary thoughts--FUCK. I need to study like a motherfuck and Wednesday is no good. So yeah, sad sad.. told my mummy "No can do" and she went ahead and asked another friend. But! She did say "I wanted to ask you before anyone else." Muahahaha.. *kisses*


SECONDLY, maybe I'm feeling particularly loving lately and I have a sudden huge appreciation for my friends (not saying I didn't before). *The Fam*--you guys will remain my security blanket for as long as I live.. our KIDS will be growing together, this I swear to you! *shakes fist* Y'all can't run away from me.. As for W, legit.. what would I do without you??? E, my other half. And everyone else who has been such a breath of fresh air during my odd episodes and tendencies to revert into my bedroom like a hermit. *love love love, extreme blasts of love*

Today I ran into Piper, who I haven't seen in about a million years.. she was such a sweetheart.. There's something about bumping into someone and having a real conversation that makes them so endearing. And realizing how much you miss them.. ughh!!!!!!!! Time, where have you gone?

Futhermore, I need to make note of today's discovery.. I signed onto Facebook after I got home from studying and had new inbox messages from Nicolle. In it, she's attached a link to http://www.orphanage-outreach.org/. We've been dabbling at the subject of going overseas to volunteer, and I'm hoping this is going to be it. ENDPOINT, I felt ridiculously grateful that I have friends who are so giving.. I'm lucky to be surrounded by positive influences on me and the global community.

LASTLY, not gonna lie.. My boyfriend is amazing.

XXOO.

Free fall

So, I'm under the impression that relationships are supposed to be very give-and-take. Each partner should be treated as equals, or as subject to change with a given context.

I'm not used to give-and-take. I'm not a fan of give-and-take. Although I'd like to be. I'm getting the feeling that this relationship has too many "I'd like to be" and in return, I'm getting a lot of "But in reality".

And although we spend our lives trying to become the person we want to be, I think it hurts even more to pretend to be that person than not be that person at all. Am I crazy to think otherwise?

Sigh.

***

ALWAYS REMEMBER: You don't need any confirmation from anyone except that chick in the mirror.

Follow you heart. It'll lead you to good places.

I owe it all to you

Note to self: STOP SLEEPING SO LATE. It's like I'm purposely aiming for black under-eye circles and puffy eyelids. Not to mention that groggy feverish feeling that lasts the entire day. I'm so ridiculous when it comes to a normal sleeping pattern.. I must be under the impression that I'm a vampire and that I do not require sleep. Clearly.

I had somewhat of a rattling day at work. You would've thought that after I quit working at Cactus Club that I'd stop running into creeps. Wrong! Apparently they're some kind of disgusting breed that just happen to linger in all sorts of different places. It's actually been every weekend now that a guy at the bar sits down and starts asking me all these weird questions. "Where do you live?" "Are you 19 yet?" "What does your father do?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" What the fuck!! Today totally pushed it to an entire level though.. This guy comes in and sits up at the bar while I'm rolling cutlery, he seems normal, friendly at first. Then after a few sleeves of beer, he starts making references to my hair, my body parts and his body parts. I told my manager about it while I was cashing out, and she was so freaking sweet.. Like I'm so touched by her concern and her view of the matter. She told me that I don't get paid enough to be treated like that, and next time I should stand up for myself and she is willing pay for the repercussions. How sweet is that? I have a new found respect and love for my manager.. She was telling me how she used to work at a bar and she'd tell customers, "Touch my ass one more time, I will punch you in the face."


Anyways.. in the end, the guy was a legit craycray and my manager had to come out to talk to him anyway because he was disturbing customers and eyeing the table my friend's were sitting at. Thank God my friends were there to take me home.. otherwise I would've shit my pants leaving..

In other news I am so ready to get the hell out of Vancouver and go someplace that will really change my life (Mexico doesn't count). My heart is set on France, and when I say France, I mean Paris. Although I'd be just as down to go to Toulouse (umm Nestle chocolate factory, what's good?) or even Nimes because I'd love to be in a city that has good weather all year round. I swear I'm in it beyond the novelty factor.. I wanna know what it's like to really take care of myself (even though I'm planning on going with Nicolle, and y'all know she's RNWT material) and just to be open to absorb a whole new culture. It's not like the difference between here and America. Europe's an entirely different planet. I want to break free from the utopia that my family and friends have created for me here (don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful for their unconditional love and support).. I'm constantly needing to remind myself of just how spoiled I am here--emotionally and physically. An exchange is definitely something I'd like to achieve within the next year. *determined to get the fuck out of here* !!

With all advertisement on where to be on NYE, I can hardly believe this year is coming to an end.. I can hardly remember all the bigger and better moments of this year. I just know that this year has had its ups and downs.. but when considering where I am at this moment, I wouldn't have changed any of it.

IT'S 5:34AM....... FUCK WHAT I SAID AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST......

Goodnight, xoxo!

baby if it's love, I wanna fall.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness

swoon
smile
soft wrists
pretty lips and long eyelashes
hot air
dawn
sweetie pie
call me?
tuesday
shy smile
mints
pat pat
goodnight
happy

"Asian kiss?" - Glee

Sisterly

A Thank You note

I'm the type of person who is easily moved. I cried at the Hummel wedding in Glee, I get attached to fictional characters, I get sad beyond reasons about subjects that don't come up in normal dinner conversation. It wouldn't be wrong to say that I do blow some things out of porportion [#kanyeshrug].. And to my chagrin, I have the annoying knack of wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I don't know why I'm so upset, I think if anything though, I'm more really angry. In short, a teacher at my high school was recently arrested for "sexual harrassment". It makes sense that word has been passed around to my high school alumni, but having students misconstrue the facts (or in this case, lack thereof) is another thing. I'm relating back to one of my theories that I've come up with on how some people are so despicable.. (mostly derrived from my experience in the restaurant industry/people to people encounters).

It sounds extremely naive, but sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that not everyone has a good heart. Not everyone thinks before they say something, do something, or type it up on Facebook for the whole world to see. Not everyone has common courtesy, some people have no courtesy at all. Not everyone remembers that you are human being, and not what your job description says you are.

Anyways, what happened was that someone on Facebook had deemed this teacher a "rapist" when I'm sure everyone has seen the article and it didn't say anything about raping or even disclosing the sex of the victim. Being honest, I didn't look too much into what that person said, except for slightly shaking my head in disapproval because how is this funny mislabelling someone a rapist.. And this is someone who was part of our educational community. Teachers really put themselves out there.

However, my girlfriend DID say something about it. She commented on said person's status, wrote an entire paragraph explaining how it's sad to see people laughing at the expense of someone else's misery. And how falsely accusing someone of being a rapist just further discredits their reputation, which is exactly what all this publicity has done. This teacher has not only lost their job, but their reputation has been shot to pieces. An individual commented on what my girlfriend had said, as a counter argument. Ugh.. between you and I, I fucking hate this guy. He's disgusting and legit makes me want to punch him in the face. He said something along the lines of "He already ruined his reputation by doing what he did. Just because you love [teacher's name] doesn't make what you said right. If you can't accept that then you are SAD. Yada yada yada.. I have nothing substantial to say because I'm a flaming moron." I'm not being bias (maybe a tad).. he is a fucking moron.. and also a bigot for that matter. And guess what his profile picture is on Facebook? A blurry, pixilated, cropped headshot of the accused teacher. I'm going to go ahead and say that he's too hideous to put his real picture on Facebook anyway..

As my endnote, I've been kind of off lately with everything that's been going on in my life. I've been spending a lot of time with my family, pushing out a lot of my friends. I've been contemplating whether or not I've changed drastically from the person I was only a year ago, or if I'm just freaking myself out. AS MY ENDNOTE, I'd like to say I'm glad that assholes and jerkoffs exist in this universe, otherwise I'd lose sight of what kind of person I aim not to be. And as these individuals exude some of the characteristics that I hate the most in humanity, they remind me of my values and my morals. I'd like to thank them for never losing sight of the small small world they live in..

here's a toast for the douchebags. *kisses*

She said looks kill and I'm tryna make a killin'

Boy Wonder is finally upping his game. Yay, Boy Wonder!


I have been hibernating for the last week. Hauled up in my bedroom, laptop at my fingertips, hair in disarray, and an endless supply of hot green tea. I have occasionally gone upstairs for my feeding, but have yet to finish my term paper. UGHHhhh..!!! It's the understatement of the year to say that I have poor management skills. And that's just a nice way of saying that I'm a procrastinator.

Aside from pretending to do homework, I have made a lovely countdown for Mexico and have tacked it up onto my fridge for the world to gaze in awe:


Women definitely have a God-given instinct. It's called a women's intuition, or 'the gut feeling'. USE IT!!! It's telling you what's good.

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.

-Chelsea Handler

Running

In the land of Meh

I think my period is on its way because I am feeling extremely meh. Meh meh MEH in the land of meh. Aside from meh, I'm also feeling irritable to the power of a million, and cranky like someone just woke me up from a good dream.

> : [

When I'm about to get my period, several things start happening:

1) I break out. I usually get a pimple somewhere and this time it's my forehead.

2) I become positively RAVENOUS. I want to eat everything in sight. Today, Elissa and I made a Safeway run to grab chips and spinach dip.

3) Many thanks to my hormones, I get really emotional and I start doing stupid things like.. oh, I don't know--texting ex-boyfriends.

4) I bloat like there's no tomorrow. *shakes fist*

In other news.. I had an exhausting weekend. Celebrated my girl Erin's birthday at Republic on Friday night. Two of my fav girlies got together and got ready like old times (I seriously love those 2). Got home at 5AM and got up two hours later to go to work. I went to work wearing the same makeup from the nightbefore. I even announced in the car ride back, "Fuck it. I'm not washing my face tonight." Carver says, "Ewww.. Are you at least going to brush your teeth?" I'm like, "Dude.. If I were to choose between the two, it'd be my face. If I'm not washing my face, no way am I brushing my teeth."

DON'T WORRY. I brushed my teeth when I got up. I went out on a limb for everyone in that restaurant to brush my teeth that morning..

Saturday night was just bad. I don't even want to recollect the details. It had to do with my friend, the birthday boy, puking in my girlfriend's car.. on her new beige leather seats. And he woke up the next morning asking what happened and laughing cause he didn't remember..

Anywho, I should sleep!! I'm falling back into the same bad habits as last semester. SMH... This is no good!!!!

a quickie

TBH: I never really understood what the F was going on in Le Petit Prince.. I read it when I was maybe 8 or 9 (more like had it read to me). It's on my list of must-reads before I die. I just remembered he was hella weird.. I mean, what if he's just another Christopher Boone?

This week has been slightly better than they usually come. Gorgeous weather, one of my fav's birthdays, seeing La Familia, no fights with my mom (it's been all love lately).. and then there's these gusts of people coming back into my life.

Like whaaaa--?

It's funny, because last week when Nicolle and I were talking on her patio, we stumbled upon the very subject of people trying to squeeze their way back into your life. It's because the night before, someone had asked me if we could have a "fresh start" and I straight up said, "I don't believe in fresh starts." Because I don't. A broken bone will never be as strong as it was before it was broken. There will always be ugly reminders and the awkward pause when you run over a touchy subject.

Anyways, I asked Nicolle if she believed in fresh starts and she said "Sometimes." She explained that it really depended on the person. If she loved the person, of course.. she'd want them back in her life too, despite some bad memories. On the contrary, if she was fed up with this person, she'd tell them to back the fuck up and don't get too close. Nobody wants to go through the same kind of hurt again.

And that's kinda how I'm feeling right now. I have on friend who I used love very much, and we got into a bad place where I just couldn't handle it. I'm a non-believer when it comes to being someone's best friend, and it's cutting it close for me when it comes to having several "best friends". Anyways, long story short, we had sooo many fights. So many rough patches. So many "let's make this work" and it just couldn't.

It seems as though now, we both realize, that the only thing we really needed was time. And time has really changed both of us. For the better though (Thank God). This is person is my "biased fresh start case". The next one is really irritating me.

I'm not sure if I'm more irritated with myself or with them. While it's comforting to have old friends back, it's also frustrating how you have filled their void and continued living your life, and then they just wanna waltz back in?

Like hell no. I got used to not having you around.

It's like going on menopause then having flow come to town. Like I thought you were GONE FOR GOOD and I WAS HAPPY TO SEE YOU GO, but now you're like "I will do anything to be your friend again." Um..

Who said I want anything to do with you?

It's called doing what's good for you, and even though you weren't so bad; I told myself that any person who walks out on their friend just because their girlfriend told them to, is a good boyfriend but no friend of mine. Close, but not quite.

I am GENERALLY a very forgiving person, and to be honest, I will probably forgive this douchebag in a few weeks.. but that doesn't mean things are going to be the same. I'm telling you now!!! *shakes fist* (Blogspot as my witness, and to whom it may concern.)

On a brighter note.. I'm in the midst of planning my 19th birthday and it's been breeze so far, thanks to my friends who have been ridiculously cooperative about it. My birthday falls smack in the middle of midterm season, not to mention my actual birthday is on a Tuesday; yet they've all promised they'd be there on my actual birthday and whatever other day I choose! They're either as amazing as I think they are or they're just a buncha party animals.. *shifty eyes*

I'm kidding.. I'm actually more touched than I should be about their cooperation and support. It's really annoying, but I can't help but say how much I love my group of friends. We've been friends since we were FIVE. They're legit my second family.. I wouldn't have it any other way then spending my time with them.

I'm off to bed, day 1 of my 3-midterms-in-a-row streak is about to begin ;) Wouldn't miss that for the world..

Even bad memories have a place in a good life.

Do you ever

Stop and sigh*,


and realize there's just so many beautiful things in this world?


I do.


it makes me want to live more,

and that i shall do.

(fall) must haves

1) jeffrey campbell litas... soo sexy and wearable at the same time. droooooooool.. hopefully ill be putting in an order tomorrow on karmaloop

2) wedges. i have 2 pairs that i loooove, i could wear wedges everyday. but i want ones that lace up slash wear on the regular. im diggin these ones by jeffrey campbell

3) nerdy glasses.. im feelin prada!

4) speedy 35 or 40 in the original lv monogram. i love classic-traditional anything and everything. the first thing im going to do once i get this bag though is SIT ON IT. i want that vintagey-used mushy feel. i was never a fan of the speedy because i found it looked too boxy, but with some manhandling im sure ill be able to love one

5) laughing cow.. for a good laugh everyday


6) marc by marc jacobs pavé star earrings--ive been on the search for these everywhere... unfortunately most places dont carry enough marc by marc jacobs accessories to have them :(

7) grandma sweaters because in vancouver, this is what i call sweater weather



8) rings. it doesnt necessarily have to be a cage ring since i highly doubt id wear it on a daily basis.. but the ones from bcbg are soo nice.. but they cost as much as each of the jeffrey campbell shoes i want..

this is just a small sample of what exists in my blackberry memopad, where i have a file entitled ULTIMATE SHOPPING LIST and everything that i see that i want, i stick it in there. this includes stuff like carmex to a metal waterbottle which i actually need (i bring a plastic bottle of water to school everyday, which seems like such a waste and horrible for the environment). i will most likely be adding to this list later in the season.. my birthday is coming up so *crosses fingers*!!! i cant decide whether i want the litas or the wedges more atm..

* please excuse my grammar thats more horrible than usual.. my mom somehow changed the keyboard on my laptop to canadian french so all my apostrophes come out looking like this: è and my question marks like this: É.

summer's my season.

SO LONG, SWEET SUMMER.
I hope you stay the same.

infinite x's and o's,
Kaylynn

I only fuck with bad bitches, no homo.

sooo.. the other day, i went to my friends' barber.. his name's marvin, btw.. i think he may be 17 or 18 but he's such a sweet kid and specializes in fades and such, does it straight out of his basement. 3 of my friends recommended him, and so i went.. and he did this for me!

everyone's been asking why.. why i decided to shave the side of my head.. and i have no real answer. just that i wanted to. i just felt like it... i could go on raving about how this is more than a physical adjustment.. but i'd rather not (at least not atm)

how does it feel now? feels fucken good. people stare. people raise their eyebrows. there's defs people who think it's gaudy and obscene. but there's also people who love it, who are saying ballsy type of move, who find it pretty badass.. and to be honest, i'm feelin pretty badass lately. i've got this attitude going on and i feel like i can do anything! i've done some pretty ridiculous things with this hair so far.. considering it's been less than a week since i've had it..

here it is, styled (for lady gaga!!!!!!) and all with my mane:

all in all.. i'm in love!!! i love stroking it.. i love the way it looks whenever i see my reflection in the mirror. i love the way it makes me feel.. like people can stop looking at me and assuming they know when i'm all about.. however, this haircut probably changes that too. they're probably all thinking i light up houses for fun and shoot up in alleyways or some shit..

i've come to many conclusions about this whole "experience". i'm not even sure if i've finished drawing all my conclusions out. but i know that whatever we change about ourselves physically, will catalyze a different reaction, a new perception, creates a new place for you in society, making a new introspection for the person in itself. we base our lives on what others think we are. if people think you are smart and beautiful, you believe that you are indeed smart and beautiful. if nobody thinks you're funny.. you must not be that much of comedian, right? there's too much self-doubt in this world.. too much competition with people you love, too much self-deprocation..

if you want to be happy, just be.