I only fuck with bad bitches, no homo.

sooo.. the other day, i went to my friends' barber.. his name's marvin, btw.. i think he may be 17 or 18 but he's such a sweet kid and specializes in fades and such, does it straight out of his basement. 3 of my friends recommended him, and so i went.. and he did this for me!

everyone's been asking why.. why i decided to shave the side of my head.. and i have no real answer. just that i wanted to. i just felt like it... i could go on raving about how this is more than a physical adjustment.. but i'd rather not (at least not atm)

how does it feel now? feels fucken good. people stare. people raise their eyebrows. there's defs people who think it's gaudy and obscene. but there's also people who love it, who are saying ballsy type of move, who find it pretty badass.. and to be honest, i'm feelin pretty badass lately. i've got this attitude going on and i feel like i can do anything! i've done some pretty ridiculous things with this hair so far.. considering it's been less than a week since i've had it..

here it is, styled (for lady gaga!!!!!!) and all with my mane:

all in all.. i'm in love!!! i love stroking it.. i love the way it looks whenever i see my reflection in the mirror. i love the way it makes me feel.. like people can stop looking at me and assuming they know when i'm all about.. however, this haircut probably changes that too. they're probably all thinking i light up houses for fun and shoot up in alleyways or some shit..

i've come to many conclusions about this whole "experience". i'm not even sure if i've finished drawing all my conclusions out. but i know that whatever we change about ourselves physically, will catalyze a different reaction, a new perception, creates a new place for you in society, making a new introspection for the person in itself. we base our lives on what others think we are. if people think you are smart and beautiful, you believe that you are indeed smart and beautiful. if nobody thinks you're funny.. you must not be that much of comedian, right? there's too much self-doubt in this world.. too much competition with people you love, too much self-deprocation..

if you want to be happy, just be.

And boom goes the dynamite

by thursday,
the side of my head's going to be shaved

this is my formal announcement to the world
that i am no longer interested in dating boys
girrrrls, let's get this party started...

i'm kidding,
but i might as well be dead fucking serious

i need to kick this shit to the curb.......

My heart be big, but it beat quiet.

spent the day at the gym with one of my fav girls. we decided to get a little crazy, get a little wild.. @ the Y, by joining a steps class, difficulty level = 2.5. it was ridiculously fun!!!!!!!! i was terrible though.. being honest here. i got lost during a lot of the moves (hand-eye coordination doesn't seem to be my forte) and i was laughing the whole time. the teacher actually had to come over and help me at one point.. hahaha.. talk about embarassing! and these older ladies were like "it's okay, first time's always hard!" and "don't worry, you're doing great!" says the lady directly behind me.. aka directly watching me screw up and look like a lost puppy. hahaha i loved it all..




met a few characters today too.. "did you know your phone is the dirtiest.." hahaha thanks for letting us know bud.. my absolute favourite has to be the 2 korean boys standing at the 49th bus stop. chu and i were at a light, and i pointed at one of them and was like "oh my god!! do you see how low his v-neck is???" seriously, it was around the nipple-line area.. maybe even lower. chu proceeded to say "i have those pants." he was wearing harlem pants. we were laughing so hard, "crazy koreans! hahaha" and then his friend noticed us laughing at him and told him, and he himself started laughing. and then chu said "oh my god. his friend is wearing uggs."

i turned on my laptop to reply emails but instead it turned into blogging.. tweeting.. facebook msging and tweaking my school schedule to perfection. i took a leap of faith and decided to enroll myself into a 1030am class. it's critical i attend too.. bc i failed last term and i can't afford to fail again -__- let's hope i didn't sign myself up for failure and disappointment..

and lastly, a birthday shoutout to one of my best girls.. even though she's MIA half the time and living on the eastcoast.. d <333 i love you girl, have the happiest birthday. i know you most definitely deserve it... for the hardest worker i know! it's my breaking my heart we can't celebrate it on your real birthday.. but i'll see you soon.

Feels like something's missing. ..

As if you really give a shit

1. i'm either going to shave the side of my head by the end of this summer, or get a tat that says "vivera senza rimpianti" which means "live with no regrets" in latin. i want it inscripted into the inside of my left wrist, so i can look at it everyday as a reminder and motivator.

2. i'm going to need to quit my job soon because this "no nail polish" policy doesn't mesh well with my opi collection

3. i've been happily munching out late at night and going out to eat just about every single day this summer.. i've eaten well this summer! it's really time to get back into shape and start taking care of myself.

4. my hair is back to black and i've never loved it more.. <3333

5. our trip to seattle was a complete success!! :) i fucken love the cheesecake factory.. my goal is to find a boy who's willing to drive down to take me to eat there on a date!! haha goodluck to me..

6. STUNTASTIC

7. speaking of boys.. a very funny boy came to my workplace today (while i wasn't there) and dropped me off some adorably wrapped candy (as i've been on this ridiculous candy binge for the past few days). hahaha helllooo

8. one of my fav bitches is back in town <3

9. i love my coworkers.. work is such a breeze because of them.. and considering i work 5 times a week and it's seriously easy peasy lemon squeezy. this job's gonna be hard to give up..

10. blackberries are pieces of shit.. they do the opposite of what they're made to do.. they make you less civilized. what happened to good manners? table etiquette? courtesy of others? i used to be one of them.. but if i hear one more person cry because their blackberry has broken down and they feel so "disconnected" from the world.. ummm this IS the real world. welcome!

11. and meh.. you are the same shit all over again.

Oh So Kissable

so yesterday
one of my closest guy friends
(possibly my best friend in the whole wide world, i haven't decided quite yet)
asked if he could kiss me
(just to see what would happen)

i told him fuck no,
friends don't kiss friends!!
and he's all "you know i've kissed so and so.."
and i say SO

this shit ain't right..

vivere
senza
rimpianti

Unload

so i found out a few days ago that
one of my oldest and closest friends' mom
was diagnosed with cancer.

i've known this girl since we were 5
and we've been on and off best friends since we were 8.

i used to call her mom, my second mom
her home, my second home
her, my sister

what makes this all really tragic is the fact that
her dad died just two years ago
from the very same disease.
that was a few years of watching him die
several months of watching him deteriorate--mind and body alike

you'd think such an indestructible sickness would know how to disperse at a lower density level..

and all this news
made me think--
what's there really to be sad about in my life?

the fact that my hair has a red undertone, and not blonde?
how i'm unable to wear yellow tones in fear of looking jaundice?
how i am completely inept when any critical moment rolls around(/everything in life)..

when i think about the realities my friend has to face alone
everytime she goes to bed, everytime she wakes up in the morning
every single second of the fucking day--
it makes me want to laugh,
and ask God to give me something real to cry about.

Everyone needs to smile more.