I wanna. I wanna. I gotta be adored.

So my boyfriend and I recently admitted that we are falling in love with each other.

"We're definitely on our way," as he puts it.

Half of me is exhilerated--shouldn't we all aim to be that brutally honest and openly suspectible to love? I always thought love's Nirvana would be described as a place where nobody is keeping score anymore. A place where you're free to stand ontop of a street bench and tell the whole world how much you love your significant other; where all trust issues simply dissipate.

I would be so happy just having that. For a (premature) period of time, my greatest fear growing up was to one day wake up next to the wrong person. I'd turn next to me and wonder, "Where's the love of my life?"

But of course, nothing in life works out accordingly. We can't all have what we want. The cynic in the back of my head recognizes the boundaries between sheer fantasy and reality. We can't all have the fairytale wedding and the happy marriage. Part of me is in love with the idea of love; its many manifestations and the promise that it is indeed what gives life purpose.

The other part of me is mortified.

"What's your favourite thing about me?"

"Your personality."

Too blessed to be stressed

butterflies. sweet kisses. deep kisses. Asian kisses. tummy rubs. neck nuzzles. face nuzzling. biting, lots of biting. swoon (the scarlett ohara kind). lift me off my feet--literally. piggy backs that lead to near choking. laughter. smile. kiss. shake hands. hold hands. hold both hands. hug. squeeze (attempt to suffocate). tickle. laugh. laugh. laugh. wrestle. fight. yell. hurt. dislike. the simple act of giving a shit... no more yelling. long talks. sleepless nights [on the phone]. the world is finally at peace.. rise and grind.  smile. sunshine (even when it's not sunny). blessed. rejoice. happy.  rinse, repeat.

Boy Wonder

Things I Like About My Boyfriend

- He has a nice chiseled jaw
- He drives stick. I don't know.. I guess this is one of those weird turn-on type things?
- He sings
- He has good taste in music
- He eats a lot. At around 1:30AM every single night, he will have a full blown meal.. My hero.
- He holds both my hands at the movies. How adorable is that???? He's the one reaching for them too.
- He picks me up and spins me around, as though we're in an old-fashioned movie *swoon*
- His hands are always very warm
- He calls me 'babe' which I prefer over 'baby'
- He has very nice arms and a very nice chest. 'Nough said..
- I kind of don't like this, but it's endearing at the same time. His giant mouth. Neither of us were aware of how big his mouth was until he kissed me. His mouth encaptures mine. I can't imagine how small and insignifcant my lips must feel. And scared for that matter.. I mean, to have an entire mouth swallow you like that?
- He has the cutest double eyelids. (Yes, I am vain).
- When he has a bowl-cut and funny side bangs
- His voice. Although, it is not the voice of your average Sex God, it might as well be the voice of mine.. (Don't think dirty! His voice is really unique and sweet. I just like listening to him talk sometimes.)
- His alter ego is honestly Clark Kent. He wears those stupid large 3D-esque glasses, wears huge raincoats (and rainboots), wears his hair down, and looks like a complete dork sometimes.. But God dayummm.. under that raincoat, y'all. I'm telling ya. (DON'T THINK DIRTY...........)
- He has the cutest straight face I've ever seen! ( '__' )
- He speaks Taiwanese.. Taiwanese is so sexy out of some people's mouths (I'm telling, ya..)
- His mother knows how to make omerice
- He wears boots
- He gets my sometimes creepy and mostly really lame humour
- He is, by no means, a pussy bitch when it comes to drinking

Defs, more to come.

chaotic Kaylynn

My mother and I are currently not on speaking terms. The silent treatment is her cure for everything. My grandma is attempting to do all the mommy-ish side duties.. e.g. asking where I'm going as I put on my shoes to leav the house, making sure that I'm sleeping and eating, and the occasional "Are you seeing a boy?"

Unfortunately, my mum isn't the only person I've been fighting with. I've had a handful of fights with the boyfriend already.. it's like I'm prone to arguments! We have been fighting about "stupid" things that have led onto bigger topics.. such as, me not affectionate, me having poor organizational skills, me being inconsiderate. To make matters worse, I'm one of those feisty little shits that will keep fighting until I've got the last word. I'm also the annoying type that even when I know I'm wrong, I am defensive as fuck and will continue on with angry banter. Sometimes (like now), I even annoy myself..

Despite my antics, my boyfriend has been amazing. Although we didn't spend New Years together, I had a wonderfully random yet awesome NYE with the fam. Can't go wrong with my friends, we're always good as long as we're together. Boyfriend and I celebrated our one month on the 1st--monthaversaries, we are so lame but so happy together.

This winter break has been exceedingly unprecedented. I no longer have the desire to relish in every moment of life, that crave for life is gone. I am in constant debate whether this is just the way it goes in life, or I've somehow put a damper on myself? Crazy, to think that you make your own misery..

Sixteen Candles

"So.. when's the last time someone told you you looked younger than you actually are?" - my boyfriend.

I am aware that I look like a sixteen year old. *bbm hand* Who's gonna be laughing when I look 25, and y'all start greying in your 30's..

I have the urge to go shopping. Oh my God. I want to go shopping soo bad but I can't. I have to save up for Christmas AND for Mexico. I'm attempting to "prove something" by telling my mom I'm capable of paying half.. She doesn't think I know what it means to save up. UGH!!! Saving is not my forte. I have yet to save a penny of my earnings. I found out a few weeks ago that Carver saves half his paycheque every week.. what the hell have I been doing???? I guess I will be one of those people who will never have their own car.. their own house.. or be able to buy their children toys on their birthdays..

Whatever. I'm still going to make a shopping list:

- wedges from UO

- one-colour allover hightops

- men's circle scarf

- leather gloves

- CONTACTS B/C I'M LEGIT GOING BLIND

- hairspray

.. as well as a Mexican shopping list:

- romper

- fedora

- high-waisted shorts

- Levi cutoffs

- [taupe] Oxfords (to go with my high-waisted shorts, durr.)

- silky shorts

- black bikini

- dresses that won't get ruined if I decide to frolic in them

Boyfriend picked my drunk ass up from my staff Christmas party tonight. "You are a handful." I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!! Don't say I didn't warn you..

Half the staff was already tanked when I got there. Everyone looked great! It was so nice seeing everyone out of work. Umm.. however, some work drama that I never knew about came up.. but it's all good, I was knocking back that wine glass like there was no tomorrow.. Let's just say the Christmas party was so good that I want to stay another year just to come to the next one.. It's not because of the free alcohol, really.. It's because everyone there was like family. They've all known each other for so long and are so supportive (except for the fact that one of my coworkers wanted to steal my prize.. bitch, keep your paws off!). And God knows how hard it is to find a family out of your bloodline these days..

GAAAAH. I just want to fork a motherfuckin' caesar salad into my mouth right now.. heavy on the parm pleeeeeeease. Damn.. hungry as fuck.. !!!!!!!!!

bisou bisou

She said looks kill and I'm tryna make a killin'

Boy Wonder is finally upping his game. Yay, Boy Wonder!


I have been hibernating for the last week. Hauled up in my bedroom, laptop at my fingertips, hair in disarray, and an endless supply of hot green tea. I have occasionally gone upstairs for my feeding, but have yet to finish my term paper. UGHHhhh..!!! It's the understatement of the year to say that I have poor management skills. And that's just a nice way of saying that I'm a procrastinator.

Aside from pretending to do homework, I have made a lovely countdown for Mexico and have tacked it up onto my fridge for the world to gaze in awe:


Women definitely have a God-given instinct. It's called a women's intuition, or 'the gut feeling'. USE IT!!! It's telling you what's good.